I\u2019ve never written a Christmas letter before \u2013 I keep waiting for a good year but then I figured I was running out of years and maybe this year was as good as it gets.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s start with the Missus because if Mama ain\u2019t happy, ain\u2019t nobody happy.\u00a0 Emily has had a productive year, volunteering at the homeless shelter.\u00a0 Well, to put it more precisely, she turned our house into a homeless shelter for unemployed relatives and hangers-on.\u00a0 The house is over-flowing with hard cases, their brats and dogs \u2013 no wonder I work late at the office.\u00a0 But what my wife can do with a hog\u2019s cheek and a peck of turnips is simply amazing.\u00a0 Jesus himself couldn\u2019t perform more miracles with food than she does.<\/p>\n
Then there is Martha, our eldest, whom we hired out to a milliner.\u00a0 We haven\u2019t seen her all year. To tell you the truth, I kind of forget what she looks like.\u00a0 She sends her love, and money what she can.<\/p>\n
Our Peter, the golden boy, attended University until last semester when he had to drop out because we couldn\u2019t afford the tuition.\u00a0 Well, there go his dreams to become a doctor. I guess he\u2019ll go to work though it\u2019s nearly impossible to find a job right now.\u00a0 But hey, we\u2019re grateful he\u2019s not in a prison or a workhouse like so many of his friends! He tried to start up a chimney cleaning service but the banks aren\u2019t lending.\u00a0 So he\u2019s a little down right now, rather mopey about life in general and finds consolation in the gin shops and pot houses with wastrels, idlers and low born people.\u00a0 He says he\u2019s writing a book, plans to be a writer.\u00a0 We\u2019re so proud of our Peter!<\/p>\n
The middle children are all muddling through life, though I confess I sometimes mix them up (Lucy?\u00a0 Matthew?\u00a0 Belinda?)\u00a0 History won\u2019t remember them either, poor things.\u00a0 With any luck they\u2019ll live to grow up, learn a trade, find a mate, reproduce, and know a few moments of true happiness while they are on this earth.\u00a0 With any luck one of them will stick around to mind the Missus and I in our dotage.<\/p>\n
I was given the boot last week.\u00a0 Can you believe it?\u00a0 Twenty years on the job and I was the best damn clerk that bastard ever had!\u00a0 But my position was cut to make the end of the year financials look better for the banks and the shareholders. Well, fuck him. Now Mr. Scrooge will have to keep his own records and write his own memos, not to mention take care of all the other shit around the office that I normally do, like run to Starbucks for coffee and scones. We\u2019ll just see how he manages with me gone, won\u2019t we?\u00a0 People are cheap these days and numbers rule — it\u2019s all about big profits for the principals and shareholders, to hell with the employees. Not that I\u2019m complaining!\u00a0 Life is good!<\/p>\n
Our youngest child is a real blessing (though I rued the day his mother told me she was pregnant \u2013 again…) Timmy is such a delight, he constantly reminds the rest of us about the true meaning of Christmas.\u00a0 And although he is weak and suffers from a rare genetic disease that won\u2019t be identified for another century at least — much less cured — he is the best of us.\u00a0 All he wants this Christmas is a goose for dinner and the company of family and friends.<\/p>\n
Please join us if you\u2019re in the neighborhood.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if we\u2019ll have goose but we\u2019ll damn sure have gin.<\/p>\n
Peace on earth and as little Tim says, God bless us, every one!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
With kindest regards, etc. etc.<\/p>\n
The Bob Cratchit family<\/p>\n
19 December, 1843<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
— Linda Collison, 2012<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear Family and Friends, I\u2019ve never written a Christmas letter […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[421,228],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9313","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-historical-fiction","category-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/madhatdesign.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9313","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/madhatdesign.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/madhatdesign.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/madhatdesign.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/madhatdesign.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9313"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/madhatdesign.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9313\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9316,"href":"https:\/\/madhatdesign.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9313\/revisions\/9316"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/madhatdesign.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9313"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/madhatdesign.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9313"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/madhatdesign.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9313"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}